Growing Pains

                          Yesterday was a pretty rough day. It started with the morning routine of getting up and ready for school. It was going as scheduled until I left the room and my son wanted to play with the cat. My daughter has claimed that cat as her own and no one is to touch her cat without permission. This cat came to us by a series of events otherwise we would have never even gotten this kitty. Leaving the room allowed them to interact without supervision. My daughters mouth started getting louder and louder and my son lost his mind. He was yelling, cussing and not trying to calm himself down. There was something else more going on here, but I couldn't get to the bottom of it totally. I get the kids separated then my daughter starts her morning anxious routine of I can't go to school today I am sick. Listen to my couch, my nose is running, my stomach hurts etc. I had already informed my son that he would not be attending school today due to his anger and not willing to try and calm himself. I get my daughter finished ready for school and with her fussing about not going I drop her off at school. I know she is upset with me because her brother got to stay home, and she had to go. I took away his tv and gaming privileges for the day. I was surprised that he entertained himself while I cleaned the house. we had lunch together, but we didn't say much to each other.  He talked to his dad on the phone and dad gave him task to do. My son's problem was that his sister got an animal, and he didn't. He wants a turtle. I get it. We discussed how sister has shown she in responsible for her cat and she cleanse the litter box, feeds and waters her cat. I asked him when the last time was, he watered his plant or helped with the dog or cat. he said I don't. I said then how can you take care of an animal?

               During this time before sister was picked up from school I had been in a chat with other parents of autistic children and talking to someone that needed advice on how to help there two teenaged children deal with their anger toward each other. I had an idea for this I got from someone on Tik Tok.  The mother and daughter were having a conversation with a pillow between them so they couldn't see each other's expressions and no judgment conversations. I applied this to my own kids last night and I got more information than I was ready for. They sat and talked one at a time. With a curtain up between them. They couldn't see each other's faces. They told each other how they felt in a very calm manner and expressed themselves so well I couldn't understand how this was even possible. I missed it. I missed my kids growing up. They can process their emotions with a moderator. I had to explain and ask questions at first but by the end of this experiment they could both talk to each other without there being an issue. They worked it out. My thought was this worked so well for them I thought maybe it was time for me and my son to talk and we could do the same thing. OH MAN! I learned that my son feels I am a no mom. I don't hug him enough. He thinks I don't love him. He thinks I spoil my daughter and love her more. My daughter says to same thing in reverse. This is exciting and sad to hear but I heard it and now I can do something about it. My son would hug his teachers and his friends, but this all just started. Typically, he does not like anyone to invade his space. I almost missed this. I would have not seen this if we didn't try this new thing. My son is growing up. The things he didn't like before he does now. He craves more attention, more hugs, more cuddles, and more quality time with me. I thought he hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. He is always gaming or has his door closed. Well now I can change it, 

What I am changing this morning is I went to my son's room and cuddle hugged him until he woke up. He looks at me and says MOMMY! like a little baby. I kissed all over his face like I hadn't seen him in years. I made him his normal cup of coffee and he drank it a bit. I told him lets go nicely wake up sister. We did. HE!! went and cuddle hugged her awake. She woke up in the best of moods. I couldn't believe what I just saw. That was the kindest my son has been to his sister in years. I can't wait to do this again at the end of the week and see what happens next time. My kiddos are growing up. I almost missed it. I can't believe how today has been the great feelings they have brought to me today. I can't wait until they get home from school so they can teach me how to be a better mom. I love the lessons they teach me daily. My hope is that the screaming raging attitudes will lesson, and that peace will be restored in my house. I'm praying that for all families that have kiddos. In Jesus name.

 

Remember were doing the best we can. Breath!!! You GOT this!! Whatever This is to you.

 

Anne Goehler